


Enough for Now

by die-forellex (heatinfreezing)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bisexual Mikasa, F/F, Historia lowkey teaches Mikasa what is what, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 08:16:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15968360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatinfreezing/pseuds/die-forellex
Summary: “I don’t think things are going to turn out well, I’ll be honest,” Historia says with an almost unsettling calmness, “and I’ve too much respect for you to lie and say otherwise. But at the very least we’ve had this, and that’s enough for now."Historia and Mikasa share their heartache.





	Enough for Now

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write mikahisu for 84 years. I love them, they're my two favorite female characters in the series and a toss up for favorite character in general (they have to fight Levi for that too lol). I am very sleep deprived and haven't really proof'd this so forgive me if it isn't very clean.

“I don’t know why he left.”

Mikasa hates herself. She hates how much it hurts, hates how much she feels his absence deep down inside of her. She’d do anything to free herself of this burden, to cast it aside as she has done with so many other things but she just can’t.

There’s something about it that seems so woven into her mind, body, and soul that she simply can’t be rid of.

Historia looks at her, blue eyes calm in the candlelight as she passes her a handkerchief sympathetically. The moonlight shines in through the large window of Historia’s bedroom, the plush bedding soft beneath Mikasa as she sits there, her nightgown tucked up over her crossed legs and her shoulders hunched over as she cries.

Mikasa doesn’t say anything, she simply wipes away her tears roughly in shame.

The bed doesn’t creak when Historia leans over and smooths a hand over Mikasa’s shoulders gently. Mikasa can feel the warmth of each of Historia’s fingertips through the threadbare fabric of her nightgown.

“It’s okay, you can cry with me,” Historia says into Mikasa’s ear, her chin resting on Mikasa’s shoulder.

“Thank you for listening,” she says after she thinks she’s gained a bit of composure.

“Of course,” Historia says, her voice filling Mikasa with warmth that settles into her chest.

Mikasa sniffs and sets the rumpled handkerchief down beside her.

Mikasa doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. She’s cried too much already, already embarrassed herself enough, even if she knows she shouldn’t be embarrassed in front of Historia of all people.

“I’m sorry, that was silly,” Mikasa says wearily.

Historia gently turns Mikasa to face her. Mikasa hadn’t realized how close they were, their faces merely inches apart. This close, Mikasa can see the purple beneath the thin skin of her eyelids, the thick, dark lashes that line those lids, the very faint dusting of freckles on the bridge of her nose that Mikasa thinks would be more prominent if she’d spent more time in the sun. Queens don’t spend much time outside, and when they do they wear hats.

“It’s not silly,” Historia says gently, “I feel it too. Maybe not the same as you, but I feel angry. I feel confused, and I’m afraid of tomorrow.”

Mikasa instantly feels regret at her indulgence, how she’s allowed herself to cry here with Historia and didn’t think once to ask her how she felt in all of this.

She’s dealing with far more than me. She’s a queen, and now....now she may have no choice but to go through with that wretched plan…

“Historia...I’m sorry, I–”

Historia shakes her head, her expression stern.

“No, I don’t want to talk about that.”

Their foreheads are touching now, Historia’s blue eyes dark in the dim room. Mikasa is surprised, a half gasp on her lips as Historia looks at her. She doesn’t know how they got this close together.

Historia rests her hand on her cheek, then traces her hand down to Mikasa’s parted lips, her thumb resting on the bottom one and Mikasa shivers.

It feels natural to lean forward ever so slightly and press her mouth to Historia’s. She doesn’t think about it, because if she had she wouldn’t have done it.

Where Mikasa is trembling and nervous, Historia is all confidence, entirely bold and knowing of what they are doing.  They kiss, lips and even tongue long enough that Mikasa can’t keep track. All she knows is she wants this, wants to kiss, wants to touch, wants to hold someone who will hold her back.

With a throaty sound Historia pulls away from Mikasa’s mouth, tightening her hand in Mikasa’s short dark hair and tilting her head to the side before she presses open mouthed kisses up her throat and to her ear. Mikasa whimpers, a tiny, needy sound she didn’t know she was capable of making. She still has enough sense to be ashamed, but that sense is rapidly disappearing.

“I can make you feel good, Mikasa,” Historia whispers in her ear, a free hand palming Mikasa’s breast through the front of her shirt, “do you want that?”

Mikasa hesitates. She’s never thought about this, not really. Almost all of her fantasies have revolved around men, in her youth Eren and then later a vague, disembodied male that wanted her and needed her who was as much of a fantasy as the Eren she’d imagined as a girl.

Maybe she only hadn’t thought of it because she’d always liked boys, that because she liked boys she couldn’t possibly want a girl too...but what she feels right now can only be described as want, a keen desire that is overwhelming and confusing but so blissful she doesn’t want it to end.  It feels too right for it to be wrong.

“I–” Mikasa trembles when Historia squeezes her breast again, “yes,” she finally whispers back.

Historia kisses her on the mouth again, quick but still bruisingly intense, before she reaches down and pulls Mikasa’s nightgown over her head, tousling her hair and leaving her in only her underthings.

Historia reaches around Mikasa and unhooks her brassiere with ease. Mikasa helps her shrug it off, but then has to fight the urge to cross her arms. Nudity has never bothered Mikasa, but in this circumstances she can’t help but think about every possible way that she may look different or strange or undesirable.

Historia runs her small hands over Mikasa’s arms gently, her soft palms leaving goosebumps in their wake. Mikasa lets Historia move her arms aside and takes a look at her, Historia’s gaze heavy on Mikasa as she blushes and tries not to squirm.

Historia sits back and takes off her own nightgown, revealing small breasts with rosy pink nipples pointing outward in the chill of the room. Mikasa looks at her and imagines kissing her breasts, lingering on each one and the thought surprises her.

Historia blushes prettily, somehow managing to look more confident and beautiful than shy. Mikasa swallows nervously.

Historia crawls back up to Mikasa and gently presses kisses down her throat, across her collar bone and to her breast. Historia presses her cheek there for a moment, soft and warm.

“You’re so pretty, Mikasa,” Historia murmurs before she takes a nipple into her mouth. Mikasa gasps under her ministrations. Historia kisses her way between the valley of Mikasa’s small breasts, each one pebbles and stiffens at the touch of Historia’s mouth.

She spends quite a bit of time like that, lavishing attention upon Mikasa. Mikasa simply enjoys it, the touch and comfort of another until Historia reaches down between Mikasa’s legs, rubbing at her over the top of her underwear.

Historia hums appreciatively, at what Mikasa can’t determine.

“Do you trust me?” Historia asks gently.

Mikasa looks at her, her kiss swollen mouth and the weight of her kiss still vibrating on Mikasa’s skin.

“Yes, of course,” Mikasa says.

Historia smiles a little, a mischievous upturn of her mouth that makes Mikasa think if she were standing she would stumble.

Historia kisses her way down from Mikasa’s breasts to her stomach, her tongue lingering on the ridges between her abdominal muscles appreciatively. Mikasa leans back as she does so, propping herself up on her forearms until Historia is between her thighs.

“What are you–” but Mikasa is cut off when Historia begins to kiss a path down her thigh to the juncture of where it meets her hip.

“Can I kiss you here?” Historia asks, looking up at her through her eyelashes coyly.

Mikasa is sure that her whole body flushes bright red at the notion.

“But...why? Would you want to even…there?” Mikasa can barely string together the words.

Historia chuckles low and throaty in a way that Mikasa thinks would sound strange outside this room.

“Because I want to make you feel good,” Historia rubs the heel of her hand over her panties and Mikasa gasps and squirms under her touch, “and I think you want me too, Mikasa, I can feel it.”

Mikasa can’t speak, too flustered and hazy with desire to be coherent so instead she nods.

Historia pulls her underwear away and once again Mikasa fights the desire to hide herself. When she notices the look on Historia’s face, flushed cheeks and eyes dark with want as she looks upon Mikasa’s sex, that feeling abates.

Mikasa gasps when Historia puts her lips on her, reflexively closing her thighs a little bit around Historia’s blonde head. Historia runs a hand gently down her thigh and it calms her slightly. As Historia continues, licking, sucking, touching, Mikasa’s legs fall apart, her knees dropping to the mattress with a soft sound. She feels an achy heat in the pit of her stomach, one that needs to be soothed. She can’t help but squirm up against Historia’s face. Historia stops and smirks up at her.

“You’re very eager suddenly,” she teases and Mikasa flushes and frowns, the only response she can manage being to thread her hand into Historia’s golden hair and gently yet insistently urge her to continue.

Mikasa holds back a shout when she comes, one hand tight in the quilt and another in Historia’s hair. Historia stays where she is, though she is more gentle on Mikasa’s overly sensitive body.

Mikasa lies back and turns on her side, her body trembling with pleasure and her blood coursing hot through her veins. Historia crawls up and lies on her stomach next to Mikasa, a satisfied and slightly smug expression on her face.

That smug look makes Mikasa’s stomach twist again, the evidence of her pleasure smeared on the other woman’s mouth is so oddly invigorating can’t help but move. Mikasa is fast to straddle Historia, her hand pinning Historia’s wrists above her hand with an edge of roughness that makes Historia groan.

Mikasa kisses Historia hard on the mouth. Where Mikasa was once weary she now feels energized, that she wants nothing more than to make Historia quake and whimper the same way she’d done for her, even if she isn’t certain how.

Mikasa bites at Historia’s full bottom lip and Historia moans into her mouth and rocks her hips up against Mikasa’s. She’s still sensitive from earlier but the sensation of Historia rocking up against her like that feels almost too good.  Mikasa takes her free hand and reaches down to Historia’s breast, the soft, pliant feeling of her flesh soothing beneath her rough palm.

Mikasa pulls away from Historia’s mouth and presses kisses across her jaw and to her ear. She lets go of Historia’s wrists and immediately her hands are on her, one on her shoulder and another twisted in her short hair. Without thinking Mikasa bites her earlobe and Historia makes an almost cute surprised sound that is odd considering how she’d been moments earlier, her grip tightening slightly in a way that feels a little good to Mikasa.

“I want to make you feel good too,” Mikasa says into her ear, her voice low but still with the faintest hint of nerves.

Historia reaches for one of Mikasa’s hands and puts it in between her legs. Mikasa notes the soft hair, the warmth of her body as Historia rocks up against her hand slightly.

“Just do to me what feels good for you when you touch yourself at night,” Historia says breathily, her anticipation clearly becoming too much judging by the wetness Mikasa feels between her legs.

“After all, who would know better how to please a woman than another woman, hmm?” Historia encourages slightly.

This encourages Mikasa. She knows what feels good for her, so she starts gently, soft circles with the pad of her fingertips, then faster but consistent, the wet sounds of Mikasa’s hand between Historia’s legs filling the room until Historia is panting beneath her.

“Yes, like that,” Historia says, her hips rocking up against Mikasa’s hand, “just like that,” her voice breaks as she arches off the bed, her fingernails digging into the muscle of Mikasa’s shoulder.

Historia pulls Mikasa to her and kisses her deeply as she comes. She wraps her legs around Mikasa’s hips and presses them close together, as if she can’t stand to have any distance separating the two of them. Mikasa can feel the other woman’s body shake beneath her.

Mikasa rolls to the side but she’s quick to pull Historia into her arms. She still doesn’t want to be away from her.

Their foreheads rest against one another. Up this close Mikasa can see that Historia’s nose actually has very light freckles she suspects would come out if she saw sunlight more often. If she spent time she could count each of her eyelashes, that she might enjoy doing such an activity if only to spend longer observing the beauty of her face.

Historia runs a thumb over the scar on Mikasa’s cheek and she can’t help but think of Eren, the reason she’d even come to Historia’s room on this night.

“What’s wrong?” Historia asks.

Mikasa frowns and then feels that she may cry again. It hurts too much to contain all of this inside of herself, too much to feel so much and act on so little.

_It wasn’t like that just now._

It’s true. Historia is here, real, warm, and vital in her arms after listening to her worried thoughts.

“Nothing,” Mikasa says. She nuzzles her head against Historia’s cheek and takes in the smell of her hair. It’s calming to her.

“I don’t think things are going to turn out well, I’ll be honest,” Historia says with an almost unsettling calmness, “and I’ve too much respect for you to lie and say otherwise. But at the very least we’ve had this, and that’s enough for now,” she tucks a strand of hair behind Mikasa’s ear and smiles a little.

Mikasa smiles back and nods a little.

They crawl under the plush, down comforter of the bed and tangle their limbs up together, talking here and there until they close their eyes, merely listening to the sound of the other one breathing.

As Mikasa drifts off to sleep, she can’t help but think that this is the most at peace she has felt for as long as she can remember.

That’s enough for now.


End file.
